The Importance of Being Earnest

Cecily. Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here. I suppose you had better talk to the housekeeper about a room for him. Merriman. Yes, Miss. [Merriman goes off.] Cecily. I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else. [Enter Algernon, very gay and debonnair.] He does! Algernon. [Raising his hat.] You are my little cousin Cecily, I'm sure. Cecily. You are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In fact, I believe I am more than usually tall for my age. [Algernon is rather taken aback.] But I am your cousin Cecily. You, I see from your card, are Uncle Jack's brother, my cousin Ernest, my wicked cousin Ernest. Algernon. Oh! I am not really wicked at all, cousin Cecily. You mustn't think that I am wicked. Cecily. If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving us all in a very inexcusable manner. I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. Algernon. [Looks at her in amazement.] Oh! Of course I have been rather reckless. Cecily. I am glad to hear it. Algernon. In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my own small way. Cecily. I don't think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very pleasant. Algernon. It is much pleasanter being here with you. Cecily. I can't understand how you are here at all. Uncle Jack won't be back till Monday afternoon. Algernon. That is a great disappointment. I am obliged to go up by the first train on Monday morning. I have a business appointment that I am anxious . . . to miss? Cecily. Couldn't you miss it anywhere but in London? Algernon. No: the appointment is in London. Cecily. Well, I know, of course, how important it is not to keep a business engagement, if one wants to retain any sense of the beauty of life, but still I think you had better wait till Uncle Jack arrives. I know he wants to speak to you about your emigrating. Algernon. About my what? Cecily. Your emigrating. He has gone up to buy your outfit. Algernon. I certainly wouldn't let Jack buy my outfit. He has no taste in neckties at all. Cecily. I don't think you will require neckties. Uncle Jack is sending you to Australia. Algernon. Australia! I'd sooner die. Cecily. Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday night, that you would have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia. Algernon. Oh, well! The accounts I have received of Australia and the next world, are not particularly encouraging. This world is good enough for me, cousin Cecily. Cecily. Yes, but are you good enough for it? Algernon. I'm afraid I'm not that. That is why I want you to reform me. You might make that your mission, if you don't mind, cousin Cecily. Cecily. I'm afraid I've no time, this afternoon. Algernon. Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon? Cecily. It is rather Quixotic of you. But I think you should try. Algernon. I will. I feel better already. Cecily. You are looking a little worse. Algernon. That is because I am hungry. Cecily. How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals. Won't you come in? Algernon. Thank you. Might I have a buttonhole first? I never have any appetite unless I have a buttonhole first. Cecily. A Marechal Niel? [Picks up scissors.] Algernon. No, I'd sooner have a pink rose. Cecily. Why? [Cuts a flower.] Algernon. Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.