Life on the Mississippi

CHAPTER XXVII. Tourists and their Note-books.--Captain Hall.--Mrs. Trollope’s Emotions.--Hon. Charles Augustus Murray’s Sentiment.--Captain Marryat’s Sensations.--Alexander Mackay’s Feelings.--Mr. Parkman Reports CHAPTER XXVIII. Swinging down the River.--Named for Me.--Plum Point again.--Lights and Snag Boats.--Infinite Changes.--A Lawless River.--Changes and Jetties.--Uncle Mumford Testifies.--Pegging the River.--What the Government does.--The Commission.--Men and Theories.--“Had them Bad.”--Jews and Prices. CHAPTER XXIX. Murel’s Gang.--A Consummate Villain.--Getting Rid of Witnesses.--Stewart turns Traitor.--I Start a Rebellion.--I get a New Suit of Clothes.--We Cover our Tracks.--Pluck and Capacity.--A Good Samaritan City.--The Old and the New. CHAPTER XXX. A Melancholy Picture.--On the Move.--River Gossip.--She Went By a-Sparklin’.--Amenities of Life.--A World of Misinformation.-- Eloquence of Silence.--Striking a Snag.--Photographically Exact.--Plank Side-walks. CHAPTER XXXI. Mutinous Language.--The Dead-house.--Cast-iron German and Flexible English.--A Dying Man’s Confession.--I am Bound and Gagged. --I get Myself Free.--I Begin my Search.--The Man with one Thumb. --Red Paint and White Paper.--He Dropped on his Knees.--Fright and Gratitude.--I Fled through the Woods.--A Grisly Spectacle.--Shout, Man, Shout.--A look of Surprise and Triumph.--The Muffled Gurgle of a Mocking Laugh.--How strangely Things happen.--The Hidden Money. CHAPTER XXXII. Ritter’s Narrative.--A Question of Money.--Napoleon.--Somebody is Serious.--Where the Prettiest Girl used to Live. CHAPTER XXXIII. A Question of Division.--A Place where there was no License.--The Calhoun Land Company.--A Cotton-planter’s Estimate.--Halifax and Watermelons.--Jewelled-up Bar-keepers. CHAPTER XXXIV. An Austere Man.--A Mosquito Policy.--Facts dressed in Tights.--A  swelled Left Ear. CHAPTER XXXV. Signs and Scars.--Cannon-thunder Rages.--Cave-dwellers. --A Continual Sunday.--A ton of Iron and no Glass.--The Ardent is Saved.--Mule Meat--A National Cemetery.--A Dog and a Shell.--Railroads and Wealth.--Wharfage Economy.--Vicksburg versus The “Gold Dust.”--A Narrative in Anticipation. CHAPTER XXXVI. The Professor Spins a Yarn.--An Enthusiast in Cattle.--He makes a Proposition.--Loading Beeves at Acapulco.--He was n’t Raised to it.--He is Roped In.--His Dull Eyes Lit Up.--Four Aces, you Ass!--He does n’t Care for the Gores. CHAPTER XXXVII. A Terrible Disaster.--The “Gold Dust” explodes her Boilers.--The End of a Good Man. CHAPTER XXXVIII. Mr. Dickens has a Word.--Best Dwellings and their Furniture.--Albums and Music.--Pantelettes and Conch-shells.--Sugar-candy Rabbits and Photographs.--Horse-hair Sofas and Snuffers.--Rag Carpets and Bridal Chambers. CHAPTER XXXIX. Rowdies and Beauty.--Ice as Jewelry.--Ice Manufacture.--More Statistics.--Some Drummers.--Oleomargarine versus Butter.--Olive Oil versus Cotton Seed.--The Answer was not Caught. --A Terrific Episode.--A Sulphurous Canopy.--The Demons of War.--The Terrible Gauntlet. CHAPTER XL. In Flowers, like a Bride.--A White-washed Castle.--A Southern Prospectus.--Pretty Pictures.--An Alligator’s Meal. CHAPTER XLI. The Approaches to New Orleans.--A Stirring Street.--Sanitary Improvements.--Journalistic Achievements.--Cisterns and Wells. CHAPTER XLII. Beautiful Grave-yards.--Chameleons and Panaceas.--Inhumation and Infection.--Mortality and Epidemics.--The Cost of Funerals. CHAPTER XLIII. I meet an Acquaintance.--Coffins and Swell Houses.--Mrs. O’Flaherty goes One Better.--Epidemics and Embamming.--Six hundred for a Good Case.--Joyful High Spirits. CHAPTER XLIV. French and Spanish Parts of the City.--Mr. Cable and the Ancient Quarter.--Cabbages and Bouquets.--Cows and Children.--The Shell Road. The West End.--A Good Square Meal.--The Pompano.--The Broom- Brigade.--Historical Painting.--Southern Speech.--Lagniappe. CHAPTER XLV. “Waw” Talk.--Cock-Fighting.--Too Much to Bear.--Fine Writing.--Mule Racing. CHAPTER XLVI. Mardi-Gras.--The Mystic Crewe.--Rex and Relics.--Sir Walter Scott.--A World Set Back.--Titles and Decorations.--A Change. CHAPTER XLVII. Uncle Remus.--The Children Disappointed.--We Read Aloud. --Mr. Cable and Jean au Poquelin.--Involuntary Trespass.--The Gilded Age.--An Impossible Combination.--The Owner Materializes and Protests. CHAPTER XLVIII. Tight Curls and Springy Steps.--Steam-plows.--“No. I.” Sugar.--A Frankenstein Laugh.--Spiritual Postage.--A Place where there are no Butchers or Plumbers.--Idiotic Spasms. CHAPTER XLIX. Pilot-Farmers.--Working on Shares.--Consequences.--Men who Stick to their Posts.--He saw what he would do.--A Day after the Fair. CHAPTER L. A Patriarch.--Leaves from a Diary.--A Tongue-stopper.--The Ancient Mariner.--Pilloried in Print.--Petrified Truth. CHAPTER LI. A Fresh “Cub” at the Wheel.--A Valley Storm.--Some Remarks on Construction.--Sock and Buskin.--The Man who never played Hamlet.--I got Thirsty.--Sunday Statistics. CHAPTER LII. I Collar an Idea.--A Graduate of Harvard.--A Penitent Thief.--His Story in the Pulpit.--Something Symmetrical.--A Literary Artist.--A Model Epistle.--Pumps again Working.--The “Nub” of the Note. CHAPTER LIII. A Masterly Retreat.--A Town at Rest.--Boyhood’s Pranks.--Friends of my Youth.--The Refuge for Imbeciles.--I am Presented with my Measure. CHAPTER LIV. A Special Judgment.--Celestial Interest.--A Night of Agony.--Another Bad Attack.--I become Convalescent.--I address a Sunday-school.--A Model Boy. CHAPTER LV. A second Generation.--A hundred thousand Tons of Saddles.--A Dark and Dreadful Secret.--A Large Family.--A Golden-haired Darling. --The Mysterious Cross.--My Idol is Broken.--A Bad Season of Chills and Fever.--An Interesting Cave. CHAPTER LVI. Perverted History--A Guilty Conscience.--A Supposititious Case.--A Habit to be Cultivated.--I Drop my Burden.--Difference in Time. CHAPTER LVII. A Model Town.--A Town that Comes up to Blow in the Summer. --The Scare-crow Dean.--Spouting Smoke and Flame.--An Atmosphere that tastes good.--The Sunset Land. CHAPTER LVIII. An Independent Race.--Twenty-four-hour Towns.--Enchanting Scenery.--The Home of the Plow.--Black Hawk.--Fluctuating Securities. --A Contrast.--Electric Lights. CHAPTER LIX. Indian Traditions and Rattlesnakes.--A Three-ton Word.--Chimney Rock.--The Panorama Man.--A Good Jump.--The Undying Head. --Peboan and Seegwun. CHAPTER LX. The Head of Navigation.--From Roses to Snow.--Climatic Vaccination.--A Long Ride.--Bones of Poverty.--The Pioneer of Civilization.--Jug of Empire.--Siamese Twins.--The Sugar-bush.--He Wins his Bride.--The Mystery about the Blanket.--A City that is always a Novelty.--Home again. APPENDIX.          A          B          C          D THE ‘BODY OF THE NATION’ BUT the basin of the Mississippi is the _Body of The Nation_. All the other parts are but members, important in themselves, yet more important in their relations to this. Exclusive of the Lake basin and of 300,000 square miles in Texas and New Mexico, which in many aspects form a part of it, this basin contains about 1,250,000 square miles. In extent it is the second great valley of the world, being exceeded only by that of the Amazon. The valley of the frozen Obi approaches it in extent; that of La Plata comes next in space, and probably in habitable capacity, having about eight-ninths of its area; then comes that of the Yenisei, with about seven-ninths; the Lena, Amoor, Hoang-ho, Yang-tse-kiang, and Nile, five-ninths; the Ganges, less than one-half; the Indus, less than one-third; the Euphrates, one-fifth; the Rhine, one-fifteenth. It exceeds in extent the whole of Europe, exclusive of Russia, Norway, and Sweden. _It would contain austria four times, germany or spain five times, france six times, the british islands or italy ten times._ Conceptions formed from the river-basins of Western Europe are rudely shocked when we consider the extent of the valley of the Mississippi; nor are those formed from the sterile basins of the great rivers of Siberia, the lofty plateaus of Central Asia, or the mighty sweep of the swampy Amazon more adequate. Latitude, elevation, and rainfall all combine to render every part of the Mississippi Valley capable of supporting a dense population. _As a dwelling-place for civilized man it is by far the first upon our globe_. EDITOR’S TABLE, HARPER’S MAGAZINE, FEBRUARY 1863